Svatman

Hi all, I wanted to share why I chose Psychology as my study subject and profession. It’s detailed but interesting one, I hope you would give your precious time: 

It starts with my UPSC Civil Services preparation journey, I qualified Preliminary examination two times (2019 & 2020) but couldn’t Mains. I finally felt it was enough I can’t do only study anymore (I was constantly in a room and studied on my own without any coaching or friend etc for years) and don’t have any space for emotional outlet. 

So I started looking for my future partner on dating apps just after writing Mains. After one month of constant struggle I was able to find one who stayed on chat for more than 24 hours. I was really bad at chatting, was not humourous (probably they only contacted me because of me being feminist and having height of 6’2″). It was great for me initially, she was really intelligent (for me raw intelligence and age equal or older to me always mattered, I’m socially awkward, was never able to talk with Indians). But my happiness lasted not for long. She had trauma due to the constant fight of her parents. And she thought I would do the same with her. No matter how much I tried to explain that every person is different and has different backgrounds she was not willing to accept. She told me she would go to mountain and leave everything behind (she was soon going to California as a Google engineer). She was doing meditation for 2 hours everyday, she even paid the joining fee for me too on the very second day of meeting me online. I cried and requested her to stay. 

And after 10 days of constant struggle (and 20 days of meeting her), she left me (let’s call her N). 

Then I just jumped on dating apps on third day (N requested me to join dating app again and find the another girl). This time again I met a really brilliant girl after 2-3 days of hard work; I became better to identify a person who would talk with me. 

This time she didn’t reveal her face, neither she gave any assurance of calling me even through dating apps. I waited for one month then two months then 6 months and then 10 months. She was always talking with me almost full time, she was a girl who I can say was genius was brilliant in physics, maths, psychology and most importantly philosophy. I was always learning and was extremely happy due to this while equally in pain when it comes to emotions. She was constantly lying and I was forgiving. She later told me she’s a pathological lier and she doesn’t know how to treat it (was constantly sexting with other men and was sharing screenshot again at the end, I was constantly getting shocked why she’s doing that). Instead of leaving her, now I wanted to understand her why she’s doing that. Later I noticed she does have ADHD too when she tried to understand herself and also after I talked with my Spanish Psychiatrist friend (this friend supported me and healed me out of this relationship). 

After these two emotionally devastating relationships (and third one in my teen age where she cheated on me with her teacher), I realized this is not working.

 I don’t know how to identify a girl, 

what kind of girl would like me and stay with me, and how to find that girl. 

Being a highly romantic guy, I always (except the UPSC exam preparation phase) looked for the deep connection. 

So I started analysing the talks and the facial pictures I had of girls from across the world and then conducting further interviews on dating apps. I had 2-3 specific starter questions for which I would request answers in 200-400 words. And based on how she has answered I would do follow up discussion while constantly analysing facial features. So in this process which took more than 2 years full time analysing more than 1000 girls from across the world, I developed FACEOLOGY (the study of facial features and expressions); now I know there exists similar kind of work but I didn’t care then and I developed it on my own. I noticed there are 16 distinct faces and then I came to know about MBTI type system which also has 16 types only. I even went to Vajiram and Ravi psychology optional coaching just to sit on the last bench and analyse every person in the class for 6 months which I later discussed with both the teachers. I even tried to discuss with my two IGNOU psychology professors (one was ISTJ & another was INTJ), ISTJ one told me to talk with some specific people who would help me while INTJ one liked the concept and asked me to develop it further but was not able to give her time for her personal reasons. 

And then I started using it to select flatmates (while looking for rooms to rent), cook, dealing with shopkeepers, I did customisation everywhere, used the words which they would understand in the better and faster ways, helped my foreign lawyer client how to talk with the particular opponent during hearing. 

I also started contractual relationships to understand the dynamics between my type and the girls’ types to understand what would make a relationship sustain, whether the reason is misunderstanding (i.e. cognitive function differences) or different things or both. I explained about myself and explained about herself which she agreed and even got fascinated although I told them why I am doing that. My reason was to understand whether I’m able to form the relationship I desire and if yes then which kind of people i.e. which cognitive function is helping me and which one is causing issue and what kind of issue. 

How I know what I developed is even correct? 

I really don’t know at this point. Being an INFP, I quickly enter into the unconscious of people due to Fi, it just becomes visible to me  (you can read work of Carl Jung’s “Psychological Types” and Dario Nardi’s “Neuroscience of Personality”  to understand how INFP’s Fi is able to grasp people’s emotions). 

But still there are many questions which warrant answers: 

1. Why there are only 16 types of people, if true?

 (Friedrich Schiller, Nietzsche all identified similar types of different people and Jordan misidentified which was later further developed by Carl Jung and Myers duo.)

2. Why people are different? 

3. What processes led to the difference among people and can the processes be identified? 

Everything starts homogenously at its most initial stage but later it becomes complex be it the evolution of universe or human personality and then it again goes back to homogenous, going in circle again and again. 

With the help of my gf and some brilliant friends (IQ upward 120 (although I question the concept of intelligence unless it’s defined by the way I defined intelligence in my other blog)), I’m trying to decode the process and that’s the reason I chose Psychology which I see through the lens of philosophy (the mother of all subjects).

 I don’t like the statistical approach of Psychology because it doesn’t suit everyone, it’s majoritarian views, answered by people who don’t know even themselves but yet answer about themselves. 

I do have some hypothesis and theory which I developed like “Theory of Evolution of Personalities” and “How astrology is based  on collective unconscious symbols and how exactly those symbols came to fruition(and in some parts astronomy maybe)”,  “Why I don’t believe in God but believe in observations like Mothman Prophecies” but some need further exploration and to be put in writing mode. 

My main focus is to help people understand themselves and then they can understand others and in turn form better relationships free from sufferings and full of understanding and empathy.

 As Socrates said: “Know Thyself” i.e. know yourself, the wisdom starts by knowing yourself. I hope I can contribute a little to people on this journey.